fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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