between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
