I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
