Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
