apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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