yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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