I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
