Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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