I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
