Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
