I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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