On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
