her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
