why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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