dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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