I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
whose parrot is this?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
