My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
