It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
