So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
