My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
