apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
