i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
