My cat gives me a boner
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
