so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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