It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
