I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
