he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
