i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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