How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
