...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
