Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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