I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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