I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
