Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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