you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
