there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
