I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
