Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
