Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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