Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
