it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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