I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
