Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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