The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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