i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
