i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
