her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
