I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
