i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
