I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
