dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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