There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
