Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
