she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
