Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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